you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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