I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
