Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
