This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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