you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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