i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
