The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
