what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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