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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Just drove past the dude that came in your sock

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom

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• (858): View more from California

  The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been

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• (716): View more from New York

  Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.

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