Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
