Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
