who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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