I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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