Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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