She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I understand Curling. That high.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
