you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
