My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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