dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fuck appropriateness.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
