The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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