happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
