Porn is love you can see.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
