I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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