you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
