yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
