My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
