So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
