i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
