The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
