When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
