So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
