She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
