Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
