My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
