Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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