I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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