I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
