Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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