i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
