Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
