The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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