the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
