I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
