He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
