I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
