I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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