Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
this is an emotional support booty call
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
