Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
