it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
