im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
