Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
